In a recent article published in the journal, Birth, Genesoni and Tallandini completed a comprehensive analysis of literature from the past 20 years on fatherhood. Needless to say, the transition to fatherhood is a large step in any man's life and understanding it can be beneficial both to a father, his child and his partner. Genesoni and Tallandini break down the transitions into three distinct time frames: the prenatal period, labor and birth and the postnatal period. In each of the next three postings we will distill one section and provide our input on how the findings can be incorporated in your personal perinatal journey.
During the prenatal period the authors noted that in the past 20 years there has been a trend towards men desiring to be more involved in the process, but three main issues continue to arise during this period:
1) Inability to grasp the reality of the pregnancy
2) Changes in the relationship between the man and his partner, arising from differing and changing expectations
3) Developing a parental identity; which requires the shift in mentality from partner to parent.
Interestingly, the authors found that the prenatal period is the most stress period during the perinatal (from conception through 1st year of life) process. They attributed this to the fact that fathers-to-be need to go through a psychological transition during this time.
Personalized takeaways
The prenatal period may seem like the "easy part," especially for a father. With the lack of hospital rooms, babies crying, and diapers needing changing, the tangible physical labor of taking care of a baby is not there. But just as with any race, preparation is the most important part, and there are few races longer than parenthood. So how can a future father (in conjunction with his partner) best prepare? Addressing the 3 largest struggles fathers deal with likely provides a good starting point:
1) Make it tangible. Make the pregnancy and the baby something the father can feel and experience. Involving the father in testing, doctor's appointments, and preparation (i.e. nesting), can go a long way in letting him know "the baby is really coming." Start early and continually reinforce; ultrasounds can start as early as 8 weeks, and at 12 weeks you can see the baby take shape.
2) A pregnancy changes any relationship, whether it changes for the better or worse is a function of expectations. Although you've likely talked with your partner about pregnancy before, having an open and honest discussion about individual needs and responsibilities has to occur early in the pregnancy. Each partner should independently come up with a list of questions and concerns, then come together and have an open and honest discussion. Create a "living document" that outlines the outcome for each question and concern; it's a "living document" because needs and desires will change, but laying out early expectations will help address any early disconnects.
3) The parent you want to be and you want your partner to be, develops during pregnancy. In one article cited by the authors there was a direct relationship "between importance attributed to father status by expectant first time fathers and both intensity and preoccupation with the fetus and quality of bonding with the unborn child." Given this, it is important that the father's role and importance to his child is not mitigated during the prenatal period; make sure he is involved prenatal care, he should have responsibilities related to the baby and most important, the partner should tell and show him how important he is to the baby. At the end of the day, this will help a father develop an identity of an engaged parent that will carry through to the postnatal period.
